or do i?
i don't know,
i am a child
and i don't just say that.
i play with toy's
i dress up
i tell myself little story's
i still feel too young for a boyfriend
i still beg for attention by hitting, biting, annoying etc.
i think i'm going to ask people what they think my mental age is,
if you read this, comment saying what you really think don't just say i'm very mature to make me feel better, i think there is a real problem. i will have to see someone about this...
Sunday, 29 November 2009
or do i?
Posted by ChazzNoir at 14:08
Saturday, 28 November 2009
oh no, i am defiantly cutting back on having sleep overs with couples, i am disgusted D:
i may just be being a a baby but three different couples in the room having sex! Noises and all
how the hell am i supposed to sleep through that, and why would i want to, one couple were on the same mattress as me,
eeeeugh i am horrified, and will not be attending many more of these sex-athons!!!
plus i could tell i wasn't really wanted their either, know-one particularly wanted me to leave it was just no-one really cared if i was there, i spend most of the time with my friends baby sister,
tess was there, and she made me happy, poor her being squashed against sex group number 1 though, she kept tickling my belly too keep me awake cause i was the only one who kept having to tell them to stop having sex on tess!
RRRgh and the lovely boy i like is soon to be going out with lovely girl he likes, they went on a date apparently,
i wish someone would take me on a date.
Posted by ChazzNoir at 16:20
Thursday, 26 November 2009
so i have salty wet tissue on my face only because my nose piercing is infected (And i popped it Eww) blood was everywhere so now i have to hold a bit of salty tissue on my nose,
i feel gross, my nose has a big lump on it, my hair does a stupid wave thing, i never have time to put make up on, or find nice clothes to wear, i have spots, blotchy skin, and i look like a twig,
i actually got bullied the other day, its year 11 and some girls are still acting like age 11, they called me fat (Because i'm very thin) and said i have a big ass (because i don't) they said it in more harsh words than that but i don't feel like talking about it,
it put a downer on the rest of my day, :/
tomorrow i get to wear a mustache to school :)
Posted by ChazzNoir at 14:03
Sunday, 22 November 2009
craigs probably on the way to his train now,
i didn't get to see him.
partly my mum,
partly my Friends being lazy,
maybe im just not worth the walk.
i miss him muchly
max decided to be a moody little girl today.
today i realized mum thinks i have a problem,
in the way that she has problems (like medical problems)
and today she said she will go out and get me some pills?
she said like aspirin but for my head and Heart..
do i have problems?
if i did would i be able to tell?
Posted by ChazzNoir at 10:46
Friday, 20 November 2009
craigs back, :)
hes in bristol idn how long for i haven't seen him yet. :/
after school jess said she would ring me,
so i could come pick him up with her,
so i got a call at about 9:30 saying what shall we do?
i text back shortly after saying want to come to mine?
(cause mum wasn't bright on the idea of me going out)
she replied their staying at toms i can come if i like,
i had an argument with mum about how i'm 16 now and i can go out
had a cry
then eventually mum said
if i would clean my room
super speedy i could,
(mum was not within drinking limits)
so i text asking if they could come and meet me,
(not allowed on my own)
(wouldn't want to anyway their have been some dodgy things)
no. sorry too lazy.
Posted by ChazzNoir at 15:00
Tuesday, 17 November 2009
dads away for work.
and mum takes this opportunity to lay into me,
because she knows im not strong when i have no-one to cry to..
usually i would go stay with a friend.
but i think they probably find me a burden on their GCSE's
so i'm not going to ask.
im glad bobs being sweet but a little odd too.
in the middle of lunch whilst everyone was sat together and he says:
are you still depressed then?
and my face went pink and i looked at everyone looking at me,
laughed, and said shut up bob,
i think everyone judged me a little bit then,
but i don't care,
i want things to get better please,
Posted by ChazzNoir at 12:30
Monday, 16 November 2009
ive been through it before it gets bad, then worse, then all better again & carries on usually at 'My time of the Month' its at its best, but not now, i am at a new low, usually i have a special friend to help me through but not right now, i have friends but no-one really i can cry down the phone to, not any more.
dad: can't help anymore can't even help himself.
max: doesn't understand that now i have to spend all my time revising usually on the computer that when i need to use it (or half way through using it) i will need to get back on it as soon as i can, "oh yeah just a minute" i get every day whilst he lounges with his feet up playing Stupid un-important games that slow the computer down completely especially when the computer is already Fucked! and we can't get a new one until max pays back the £400 he owes dad but still he decides to either go out most nights or just spend all his money on beers and sits in his room with his friends playing football on the Xbox (what an exiting life you lead)
Mum: wow shes worse not just worse than max but worse than she has previously been she sits in her bed all day watching day time T.V drinking at-least 2 bottles of wine, smoking 40 cigarettes a day and generally wasting life, then i get home an opportunity to shout at me for doing nothing (hypocrite) and even though max has been home all day she doesn't shout at him cause she can't be bothered to leave her room and he just sits in his room playing Xbox so they don't cross paths THEN dad gets home and she complains to him about how i haven't done any work just because i responded to mum saying SHE hasn't done any, dad is too tired from spending all day working to argue so he just tells me to make an effort and then mum has a go at him for not shouting at me.
okay i don't want to say much more sorry i ranted on. i just had a crappy day. and a crappy week, and i feel there is no-one looking after me,
i guess i shouldn't rely on others
or i'm just being selfish.
Posted by ChazzNoir at 12:44
Thursday, 12 November 2009
i have nothing.
nothing to say.
nothing to do.
nothing and no-one.
whats the point?
not even a picture.
Posted by ChazzNoir at 13:58
Sunday, 8 November 2009
...i think I'm really annoying everyone around me, :/
Posted by ChazzNoir at 10:08
Friday, 6 November 2009
as soon as i try to write my blog it rained, Alot, it is raining
i just woke up today was:
home (no-one is here? i may as-well relax)
ended up falling asleep! (Dreamt of this guy i know it wasn't a particularly positive dream in my favor, but i shouldn't be dreaming of him i have known him for a while and i would really like to get to know him better but im sure i don't mean in the Dreamy kind of way?)
woke up at like 6/7 oh crap i was supposed to go to jeannie's, text her apologizing, but i couldn't leave anyway until dad got back...
fell asleep Straight away!!! what is wrung?
woke up at 9 dads head peered round the door i was all disorientated i thought i was late for school!! i got up in a rush my leg hurts (Earlier P.E incident Hah i jumped on bessie) got up went to see mum got shouted at for about half an hour (don't ask me what for) got some useful out of her, dad has gone out with my brother to see a band,
i hope i don't have feelings for this guy, i know i go all stupid and obsess. :/
Posted by ChazzNoir at 13:19
Monday, 2 November 2009
Change is SHIT!
i hate change,
if change was a person, i would hit them in their face
change is the reason i spend my evenings alone,
change is the reason i loose my friends,
change is the reason i forget things
change is the reason i hate myself
change is the reason things arn't always good
change is the reason im lonely,
but after hitting 'Change' i would say sorry and give them a hug because
change is the reason i want to find new friends
change is the reason i stay unique
change is the reason i want to do something new,
but thats only good change
i would rather there was no because for me their tends to be alot more bad change than good, :/
Posted by ChazzNoir at 12:36
Posted by ChazzNoir at 11:33
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