Friday, 30 July 2010

see you soon

i'm just awaiting my lovely drunktards to come home,
they went out,
and there mashed already
so i said i would stay up till morning
then tomorrow maybe we could go to harbor fest :)
i'm not out with them because i can't afford to incase you wonderd
i need to save money to get tess a present.
night night i might have a little nap,

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

its obvious this will never end.

i'm so tired
you don't let me sleep!
you don't let anyone get away!
i am being followed in my own house
you wont let me leave!
just constantly argue at me
asking why i love 'daddy' more than her
maybe because dads not a psycho that follows people around
asking them everything
cause dad doesn't shout and insult the people on the tv
cause dad doesn't repeat and repeat and repeat!!
cause you just are rude to everyone
and you complain at everything
your lazy!
self centred!
and mean?!!!

Monday, 26 July 2010

Sofa time

oh phew everything is sorted.
i text him saying i don't know if i want a relationship...
he text back saying thats okay i just feel rude for getting with you and then disappearing on holiday :)
Oh god hes lush :)
so we went to the cinema
really annoying chavvy mum lady behind us just talking all the way through
about complete shit!!!
and in the worst chavvy accent i have ever heard!!
fucktard |:|
hah it was really nice though and no awkwardness
except when we bumped into hannah in tie rack
:) "ayy you two then"
she says...

luvely jubbely
now i have to work out how to get a super heavy sofa from sefton park road across the park to my house
might have to stop in the park to have a sit down on my sofa :)

Sunday, 25 July 2010


well its super nice to get away from things...
i went up to leicester with my dad to see my nan and uncle.
and now i'm home.
mum is making my life a misery again.

this guy is taking me out to the cinema...
i don't know what this is...
i gather its like a date...
but does this mean i'm dating.?
i don't normally like cinemas
haven't been in a while so maybe i like them now.
i don't want to jump into anything big.
i don't know if i want to go out with anyone.
i suppose its my fault.
i got with him at a party
and i normally get with simple older guys
who don't want more than that night.
but this guy is too lovely.
he would never mistreat a girl.
hes proper.
and too lush for me.
hes smart, and good looking.
but for some reason my head wont let me stop thinking.
i don't want him to meet my family
i don't want him to know how shit things are for me,
i don't want to feel vulnerable
hes not really my type
but he wants to take me out...
so i will let him..
and learn to love?

Friday, 23 July 2010


god my dream was odd.
i was in this huge maze festival thing
and all the walls were like a bright bohemian padded cell.
and i was just wandering around with a pasty for someone i didn't know who?
and i came across this group of boys,
the sort of boys who wear skinny jeans
and straighten there hair,
with fringes over there face
and piercings,
i loved them :)
so they let me hang around,
and this one guy was all cuddling me,
and he kissed me
and his stubble hurt
but i liked it,
and i had a lip piercing
and he kept biting it
and i loved it
and he wouldn't stop telling me he loved me,
but i had to go,
i had to find who this pasty was for..
so i was just wandering around not knowing were i was
i told them i would come back
but i knew i wouldn't be able to find it,
i found this large food court room
and standing in line was my mum
she snatched this pasty off me
and just randomly stormed off
i walked into the food court
and found naomi, jake and dom and a couple of friends from my junior school
and mum came along and started shouting at a boy called thomas boot from juniors
and naomi was like no rachel its my birthday party
and then my mum started laughing at my cause i wasn't invited.
and took a big bite out of the pasty and it really hurt me..
then i woke up
and heard mum outside my door laughing
and got really confused.

Thursday, 22 July 2010


had a family party on wednesday,
i have a crazy family
20 of us,
5 aunts
1 uncle
all their other halfs,
their children
and brenda...
my granny
the one who started it all,
it was nice
but i am getting quite annoyed at my bodies alcohol intake?
i drink and drink and nothing
i didn't have much with dinner
but me my brother and a couple of cousins went on a bit of a club crawl
and i didn't hav any money
but the boys were buying me drinks all night,
and i was tipsy at most
so i think i might not drink until shambala...
might get some of my sober innocence back
actually wait...
its my birthday soon...
then its hamble..
(like a family party cross with glastonbury)
theres about 50+ of us
and were in my aunty's 1 1/2 acer land,
we all camp in her garden
and theres a little stream running down the bottom
that you can go sailing or rowing down
and a hug tree house
and a bridge
and many rope swings
and hammocks
and an arial runway
and a bonfire..

and i have to drink at that!!!
its free pimms all night!!!
maybe i will start after that...

Monday, 19 July 2010

Private Blogs?

i miss jesse ):
i never get a chance to read her blogs.
cause hers is private it never tells me when she write them...
and i can't even access ngaios D:
but i just had a sudden JesseCraving
and had to read all the long blog posts mostly about david...
that did make me feel a little caught up with her,
i wish we could catch up for real
i wish she didn't stop texting me
i wish we were still best friends?
or atleast friends...
i wish we were still Tutu&Pyjamas
=[ i miss you.
i tried to fresh'n up
had a shower
(got my hair all tangled from being tied up for 3 day)
some clean clothes...
tried to do some art stuff
just reminded me of jesse again
and that picture we never finished...

thinking of you.

why dont i like anyone?
like boys...
i know i have my
i want what i can't have
if you like me
i don't like you.

i really want to get over this.
do you think if i just Do it
just get a boyfriend
and i might actually realise i like them
or i might just be really pissed of and miserable.
stuck in a one way relationship
cause i wouldn't be able to brake up with them.
don't have the heart.

maybe i might fall inlove in college
maybe i'm too fucked up to find anyone
maybe my head wont let me
i wouldn't bring a guy back to mine.
scare him into my fucked up family.
i can't imagine anyone understanding what go's on.
so i don't want to try.
i think i have commitment issues.
or i'm just a retard.

Saturday, 17 July 2010


3 parties in row.
i'm tired
but it as totally worth it :)
but now i have to take my updated modelling photos
and i look a bit rough :)

Thursday, 15 July 2010

Your fault!!

if you don't want to be negatively spoken about don't give them anything bad to say,
if they have bad things to say about you, and there not lying... well thats your fault now isn't it?
get it?
good Stop complaining!!! geesh.

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

till death do us part.

i have to think of some dressing up ideas for thursday,
lucy is having a party and we have to dress up in pairs
eg: micky and minnie mouse, knife and falk etc.
i want to dress up as wallace and gromit.
i do have an old gromit outfit but it doesn't fit any more
and i think i destroyed the ears.
who would want to wallace anyway?
so i think i might be a bride
and find someone to be my husband.
that could be tricky
i think anyone would rather be wallace than my husband :)
+ being a bride might be a little boring.
maybe in these 2 days i could think of something a little more adventures.
and tonight i'm going to see lilys play
shes 8
shes like a little sister to me,

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

^ (its a tent)

so i think i'm going camping.
its not really my crowd anymore
but ngaio really wants me there :D
i want to see ngaio
and its toms birthday campo
i wouldn't want to miss that,
but i have been a bit out of control recently
thought i needed to chill?
but i suppose i will just be self controlled :)
and how much trouble can you get to in a field?
at least i wont steal any more wine.
made me sick
i don't like wine.

Tuesday, 6 July 2010

so i did something stupid :S

drink should have a stop sign :S
i am so sorry
dom came over for a couple of drinks
we had quite a few.
we went out to the little 24hour
but didn't get anything
so we sat in the park and took some nos
we got back sobered a little
so i went to look for something more to drink found one of my mum ol bottle of wine
had a glass
don't remember anything after that
then woke up
so i rang dad to apologise for being silly
and that bottle of wine was my mums anniversary present from dad :S
and i hate myself
i'm am such i dick.
who would want me as a daughter.
i am an idiot.

Friday, 2 July 2010


forgot to dye my hair yesterday so had to dye it in the buns...
lets see how that turns out
theres nothing like experimenting.

Thursday, 1 July 2010

Presentation evening :)

posh dress new AMAZING HEELS!!!!
will picture later :)
prom tomorrow