i hate being dependant on others
i am going to try and be independent
from now on i will be on my own.
except to do that, i need to make my own good income
and have a form of transport...
or else i will just sit inside and rot.
i will get a job
and i can use my electric bike until i can afford anything better,
and then i can buy things,
i haven't done that in a while,
and go places without needing a lift :)
i can be independent.
so i made a CV
i'm going to go for a job hunt today
i heard Thali Cafe needs staff,
i also want to go to this art presentation thing at my college
of all the peoples work who have been there the last 2 years,
but on my own?
this independent thing has already fucked over
but i need to buy some things anyway
maybe i will start the independent thing tomorrow :/
Tuesday, 29 June 2010
i hate being dependant on others
Posted by ChazzNoir at 06:15
Sunday, 27 June 2010
i am not letting mum die my hair ever again :/
she basicly rubbed it into my scalp and it really burned,
and now i have a scabby head D:
party went well people only started to turn up after doctor who
i got lovely and drunkey
alot of people did :)
kai was very handsey :O
as usual drunk kai.
max's friends and my friends collided
i think a bit too much
my brother got with one of my friends
and two of my brothers friends got with my friends
20 year olds really go for 16/17 year olds XD
my camera still not working,
not many pictures sorry
Dj got the set working just in time
but then he blew he speakers :O
so doms music wasn't as glorious with the rattle
everyone drank my beers,
but its okay i hid my special stash ;)
dom made alot of money selling Nos
alot of people got lovely and high
there were fireworks,
but no one lit the bonfire
so we didn't get to burn our old revision books
but we had a fucking good time!!!!!
Posted by ChazzNoir at 05:49
Friday, 25 June 2010
Posted by ChazzNoir at 07:42
Thursday, 24 June 2010
my camera got wiped of all my newest pictures for my portfolio,
all the exposure pictures
all the ones of giant butterfly and slowworm,
and all the ones of the camping weekend ):
i don't know how,
i just want to cry.
Posted by ChazzNoir at 14:11
Tuesday, 22 June 2010
mum i don't want to hear it :/
your too old for that anyway :/
just let dad have a lie down,
and stop shouting and screaming
turn the music down
stop telling everyone else what to do
and stop crying for attention
you know you just lash out at anyone who comes near you
Posted by ChazzNoir at 13:55
Saturday, 19 June 2010
remember when I used to help you
when i didn't have to try so fucking hard for a little attention.
when we had such ambitions, ideas, future.
Posted by ChazzNoir at 16:57
Posted by ChazzNoir at 16:47
Thursday, 17 June 2010
starting counselling again...
but i'm scared to give my home address or telephone,
i don't want them calling emergency services over,
i don't know how 'in danger' one would have to be for them to do that..
i just want to talk...
not to dob her in.
Posted by ChazzNoir at 15:03
there are too many people these days driving past and shouting rainbow girl at me :D
i bought another Cocorosie album :)
i'm trying to buy them all spaced apart to appreciate them individually properly :D
i am equally as in-love :D
organising this lovely camping weekend with my lovely friendeys
i'm so glad i got close with them before i left school
there the sort of friends i need :)
happy, chilled out, arty, Lovelies <3
i wish i had joined them earlier.
Posted by ChazzNoir at 14:10
Wednesday, 16 June 2010
when the exams are done,
and i have my huge holiday
i am leaving here.
i don't know were to go,
but i don't want to be here
i am being selfish and leaving.
taking the easy way out,
but why would i like to make it any harder
We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine
Posted by ChazzNoir at 12:46
the people who still like you are the ones who don't know how shit you are yet,
but don't worry i'm sure you will do something to fuck that up soon enough. |:|
i don't like people who say they will 'change'
they will 'get better'
'improve them self'
and then just carry on fucking up
like everything is okay now
but your still the same shit you were!
don't worry i have stopped caring.
Posted by ChazzNoir at 12:38
Tuesday, 15 June 2010
Posted by ChazzNoir at 04:33
Saturday, 12 June 2010
hello i have not been on for ages
and before you think
"oh charly's probably got a life and doesn't waist her life online"
no i just got sims :)
except i was playing for about 2 hours today and my person got really happy and pregnant, then i had a power cut |:|
and i had just redecorated the house.
i got really drunk on friday night
MY LAST DAY OF SCHOOL
and i don't remember large parts of that night,
but sure apparently i didn't humiliate myself
but i payed the price
this morning i wanted to die.
i don't get the usual headaches etc.
i just feel really really reallly sick D:
and then me and dad went to buy some greasy greasy burgers and i waited for ages
and was nearly sick
Posted by ChazzNoir at 15:56
Saturday, 5 June 2010
Posted by ChazzNoir at 15:34
Friday, 4 June 2010
Posted by ChazzNoir at 03:14
Thursday, 3 June 2010
oh there isn't any food in the house
dad what do we have for dinner?
what do you mean go make yourself something
i can't find anything
there is toast
do we have anything like 'a meal'
well what do you want i'm not going to get you a take away.
no i mean like a ready meal or something?
we can't afford ready meals
what do you mean there like the cheapest form of food?
no there bloody not their expensive, there just easy for people who can't cook
but i always thought that they were cheap thats why i ate them?
so why the fuck have i been eating this shit all my life?
can you get me some wine?
Mum Please can you just not drink just not now!
what do you mean i just want some wine
please mum your really fucking horrible when your drunk
just not tonight please!
i have to put up with it every fucking night
don't you tell me what to do i just want a bottle of wine
don't you mean a 2nd bottle?
mum please i don't want to be around when your like this
just shut up charly it's nothing to do with you
so your actually just going to choose alcohol over me?
(i storm out crying)
(mum says fine don't get me any fucking wine i will get it myself)
(me and dad drive to tesco to get food)
dad puts a bottle of wine for mum in his basket
i look at dad and say
so after all that your just going to get her some wine
then i guess you will shout at her later for drinking it
your causing all your own problems!!
what do you want to eat
I don't mind!!
for fuck sake charly!
(dad storms out of tesco pushing the trolly into the shelfs)
(i have to follow)
i sit in the car and cry the way home as he shouts
when we get home i run up to my bedroom get my phone and keys and run out again
i text everyone
i find naomi and ana
i'm all pink in the face
come with us
i didn't realise they were going for a meal with everyone
i had no money so sort of sat awkwardly
everyone being so lovely and offering me food,
everyone all dressy
i looked like a tramp
no socks i didn't have time to find
anywere i can stay tonight?
don't want to go home
everyone walking home
what do i do
its 11 o clock
i can't be on my own
no-one has even replied
jo offers e her spear room
i don't know her too well
would it be to weird?
i don't care i need somewhere to stay
and she is so lovely,
she looked after me
even got breakfast
woke up with some texts
"sorry i didn't text back last night (enter excuse)"
and i lovely voice message from ruby and ngaio
so i walked to ngaios to see them
but ruby had left
and ngaio was topped full of revision
so i stayed for a bit of scrambled egg and a biscuit
sat in the park for a while
cause no-one seems to want to know.
Posted by ChazzNoir at 06:08
Tuesday, 1 June 2010
so this is my first blog of my new computer
its huge :)
and i can't take a picture of the new computer because the camera is build in,
just in time too the camera i used to use to take my pictures just got buss up :)
ohm nom nom computer :D
i love it
today was mostly a waiting day.
i waited in all morning
think it would be here by lunch
but dad said he was picking it up by 7 D:
ngaio came round :)
i love her
she is my rockee
we ate ribs and watched next top model
and no tea!!
(i regret not offering you tea my dear ngaio)
i was in my jammies all day
i feel safe in jammies
Posted by ChazzNoir at 14:45