20/40/10

i never tell you whats going on?
i only ever say what i feel..
you might then think i have no reason for feeling so rubbish?

heres today,
got up as if i wear off to school
my uniform felt so tight and constricting,
i sat down stairs,
no breakfast
feel sick,
my head stopped throbbing,
that was a relief
still talking talking
i have such lovely conversations with myself
most of the time.
today it was mostly
wtf is wrong?
why can't you just be happy?
it's such i good feeling
and even if i have no reason to be happy
why not
its free.
but no respond
its like the one i was talking to up their is absent.
so i curled up on my sofa,
dad keeps asking if i'm feeling better?
i can't say
"i feel sad ):"
cause thats odd
and often followed by the question
"WHY?"
and i couldn't answer that.
so i just mopped about running off when i burst into random tears,
dad got mum to book a doctor appointment,
dad went to work
and i went to the doctors with mum
had another little cry in the car???
i told her because i didn't want blood test,
phobia of needles.
she just ran some tests on me and told me their i had low blood pressure,
i have to wait for other results,
and go from their.
so when i get home mum tries to force me to school,
i was really not into that.
more crying,
she went out giving up
and i have just been back and forth between playing pointless games
and watching laurel and hardy on tv.
i went to sit in the sun in my dads room,
i just lay on his bed and had a little teary moment.

oh dear.