my hands are still green

super smiles right.
its ellas birthday night,
and i get to go to the cadbury with 'the gang'
:)
and then out to full moon attic bar,
paddy might be too ill
hopefully not
but if he can't
it will be like my first night out with them without paddy.

my hair looks quite blue on paddy's laptop camera.
and this is paddy's little green tip :)

-and he is in no way my accessory or like a matching handbag.

GreenHair

&yes i did bleach and dye a bit of my eyebrow :)

everybody's getting love today.

it feels like summer today.
:)
i'm dying my hair green.
updated
done.

-tastey meatballs.

Easy Peasy

for some reason some things today have just felt easier...
i woke up.
easy
walked back to mine from paddy's
with still half an hour to spare before i had to set of to college.
so i spent a little extra time on my appearance.
i even had time for breakfast at paddy's.
then cycling was just easy..
and wasn't too cold
just outside college i saw vicky
(a friend from high school)
so i stopped to talk to her,
she had been going to this college as long as i had and i never noticed her...
but were only in on one day together so its not that bad.
then the lift doors open and Jake cale is there!
said our awkward hello's and how are yous
college work doesn't seem so daunting right now
i know i have alot to do
but i feel like i'm organised enough now that it shouldn't be too hard
or take too long when i eventually get round to doing it.
and now i'm clearing my room.
i feel like all white bed sheets.
pure.

Road trip

me and paddy are in Leicester
visiting my nan and a couple of the famalam
so far we have been shopping and bought a fuck of alot of Aldi style junk food...
animal biscuits, monster claws(monster munch), Waffles, aldi cereal,
and our new fave 'Disco Biscuit'
then we had fish n chips at my cousins.
(paddy was forced to watch glee)
now tea and chill.

-We have 'disco biscuits'... be jealous.
(paddy had already eaten his by picture time.)

today feels good

i think i can feel summer coming on..
even though its definite fur coat weather
the sun is still trying,
and thats the best that could be.
early start for me and paddy,
i had dentist and he has to do his room.
but it wasn't that horrible morning feeling,
then i had to go to my old school to pick up my GCSE results and art work,
was hoping to go in and hang out with friends,
then see all my old lovely teachers,
but half of them weren't in or had left for good.
and my art teachers weren't in so i couldn't pick up half my stuff
dad was in a hurry so only briefly got to see my friends.
but i have plans with bessie soon.
maybe we could go to youth club and i can see people properly :)
oh and i bought some pretty underwear :)
its like a french maid style but in bra and pants.
which i would obv. match up with knee high socks, and my hair up
well paddy asked for my hair up ;)
the best thing about it is its SUPER comfy :)
hope you liked it paddy.
x

Lushtiingzz

i have had a lovely day :)

with my girls last night and today,
and then me and paddy invited to a lovely dinner at lisa's
she bought me a hat (see picture)
and then we went to black swan for Bambi Legs
lush night
met some lovely people
bought a coat of this lovely girl
check the picture :)
tenner!!!
Bargain!
found some tiger ear muffs,
and all is awesome
probably cause i'm still high,
we just got in.
and feeling lush.

cycle

go to college
go to college
go to college
paddy's house
paddy's house
paddy's house
distract myself
paint
paint
paint
text
text
anyone want to come out?
no!
yes?
later...
back to bed?
stay away from the tent.!!
do some work!
no!
too hard!
eat?
Can't!
hurts.
pfff.

kill me now.

no picture i'ma tramp.

if i stop to think i will cry.

it is now the end of the weekend
and i have done no work
lalalalalalalalalala.
good.
but i haven't slept yet..
i went to lakota last night,
it's strange how i can just skip about 9 hours of sleep
i'm not tired.

paddy's cheering me up.

now even my food is smilling
.

Depression:

Being moody and irritable - easily upset, `ratty' or tearful.

Becoming withdrawn - avoiding friends, family and regular activities.

Feeling guilty or bad, being self-critical and self-blaming - hating yourself.

Feeling unhappy, miserable and lonely a lot of the time.

Feeling hopeless and wanting to hide.

Finding it difficult to concentrate.

Not looking after your personal appearance.

Changes in sleep pattern: sleeping too little or too much.

Tiredness and lack of energy.

Changes in appetite.

Frequent minor health problems, such as headaches or stomach-aches.

Some people believe they are ugly, guilty and have done terrible things.

Not enjoying things anymore.

weak..

last night just seemed so perfect,
something felt new and all mine,
maybe because me and paddy haven't had much time alone recently
but through all the shit i have been feeling
and thanks ngaio came round and cheered me up
and paddy and his friend callum
i thought i had got better,
felt lovely
but first mention of "now we need to sort out this college stuff"
and i'm in tears again.
it's my fault
i'm not strong.

Heavy rain.

how can i be sat in a room full of people
half supposed to be my friends
or atleast that they know me
and i'm floodiing with tears.
can no-one see me?
am i invisable
there just on the computer opposite
all they have to do is glance at me for a second.
maybe i'm not crying.
maybe it's just raining.
inside?

cuddles please

i just want to give up everything.

FLUUUUUUUUUUUUU

pretty much better now,
sorry i haven't been much good with keeping this updated.
not much new
i had some horrid flu virus
but was really lovelelily looked after by my nurse paddy
:)
i must pay him back somehow.

STILL ILL

die now.

ILL IKKY ILL

i have been so very ill,

NYE

haven't quite been to bed yet :)
had a lush time at lakota, getting mini fireworks blown up my back :)
and uniting my little friends with paddy's friends
its rubbish we couldn't of all stuck together..
and it was strange of us to get home at about 7
and then go back out... to bedminster?
strange
:)