Lushtiingzz

i have had a lovely day :)

with my girls last night and today,
and then me and paddy invited to a lovely dinner at lisa's
she bought me a hat (see picture)
and then we went to black swan for Bambi Legs
lush night
met some lovely people
bought a coat of this lovely girl
check the picture :)
tenner!!!
Bargain!
found some tiger ear muffs,
and all is awesome
probably cause i'm still high,
we just got in.
and feeling lush.

cycle

go to college
go to college
go to college
paddy's house
paddy's house
paddy's house
distract myself
paint
paint
paint
text
text
anyone want to come out?
no!
yes?
later...
back to bed?
stay away from the tent.!!
do some work!
no!
too hard!
eat?
Can't!
hurts.
pfff.

kill me now.

no picture i'ma tramp.

if i stop to think i will cry.

it is now the end of the weekend
and i have done no work
lalalalalalalalalala.
good.
but i haven't slept yet..
i went to lakota last night,
it's strange how i can just skip about 9 hours of sleep
i'm not tired.

paddy's cheering me up.

now even my food is smilling
.

Depression:

Being moody and irritable - easily upset, `ratty' or tearful.

Becoming withdrawn - avoiding friends, family and regular activities.

Feeling guilty or bad, being self-critical and self-blaming - hating yourself.

Feeling unhappy, miserable and lonely a lot of the time.

Feeling hopeless and wanting to hide.

Finding it difficult to concentrate.

Not looking after your personal appearance.

Changes in sleep pattern: sleeping too little or too much.

Tiredness and lack of energy.

Changes in appetite.

Frequent minor health problems, such as headaches or stomach-aches.

Some people believe they are ugly, guilty and have done terrible things.

Not enjoying things anymore.

weak..

last night just seemed so perfect,
something felt new and all mine,
maybe because me and paddy haven't had much time alone recently
but through all the shit i have been feeling
and thanks ngaio came round and cheered me up
and paddy and his friend callum
i thought i had got better,
felt lovely
but first mention of "now we need to sort out this college stuff"
and i'm in tears again.
it's my fault
i'm not strong.

Heavy rain.

how can i be sat in a room full of people
half supposed to be my friends
or atleast that they know me
and i'm floodiing with tears.
can no-one see me?
am i invisable
there just on the computer opposite
all they have to do is glance at me for a second.
maybe i'm not crying.
maybe it's just raining.
inside?

cuddles please

i just want to give up everything.

FLUUUUUUUUUUUUU

pretty much better now,
sorry i haven't been much good with keeping this updated.
not much new
i had some horrid flu virus
but was really lovelelily looked after by my nurse paddy
:)
i must pay him back somehow.

STILL ILL

die now.

ILL IKKY ILL

i have been so very ill,

NYE

haven't quite been to bed yet :)
had a lush time at lakota, getting mini fireworks blown up my back :)
and uniting my little friends with paddy's friends
its rubbish we couldn't of all stuck together..
and it was strange of us to get home at about 7
and then go back out... to bedminster?
strange
:)