Nothing Is Wasted...

-Breakfast: X

Lunch: galaxy and cola (but i didn't eat the galaxy cause it was for dad.

Dinner: Beans And milkshake,

what else is there

Everything is nothing And nothing is ours

Lily's birthday today she, 8
she like my little sister :)
shes the proper bossy boots NOT FAIR 8 year old kind of girl :)
i love her
i helped out making tie dye teeshirts.
now my hands are pink and purple
party food
and silly games
i always join in
i wish i could be 8.

nothing is wasted & life is worth living, heaven is no-were, Just look to the stars

so i stayed up too late last night
i'm shatterd
i went to toms
i can't believe i cried to him
before i even started drinking
sorry tom
i'm such a fucking mess :S
eventually i stopped thinking
started drinking
and was laughing by the end

When you hold me, I feel Better

Showing Symptoms Of...

Being moody and irritable - easily upset, `ratty' or tearful.

Becoming withdrawn - avoiding friends, family and regular activities.

Feeling guilty or bad, being self-critical and self-blaming - hating yourself.

Feeling unhappy, miserable and lonely a lot of the time.

Feeling hopeless and wanting to hide.

Finding it difficult to concentrate.

Not looking after your personal appearance.

Changes in sleep pattern: sleeping too little or too much.

Tiredness and lack of energy.

Changes in appetite.

Frequent minor health problems, such as headaches or stomach-aches.

Some people believe they are ugly, guilty and have done terrible things.

Not enjoying things anymore.

now your back to were you started

so what was that then?

Special

i know i'm attention seeking
but thats only cause no-one give me any attention otherwise :/
i just go un-noticed.

i wish i was special to someone.

Meow

yeahh nothing to doo.
how can i be creative?
i would like very to set up a little photography studio in my brothers room,
but he hasn't moved out yet D:
when?
WHEN?!!
my mum thinks i stoll a kit-kat,
i just put it in her trolly when not looking,
and got it out w/o her seeing :/
if only she knew all those years,
when i went to town with no money,
and coming home with lush clothes and expensive make-up :/

BananaUpdate

STILL NOT EATEN!!!!!

TessTuesdays

today i tied wool into my hair :)

i look so silly it's fun.

tesstuesdays as normal

except i thought it was monday because we didn't have school yest.
so again i had nothing planned
except chocolate spread sandw.

malas birthday soon PRESENT MAKING TIME
and she wants me to go out for her birthday and i really do no do not have spare money,
i have some stashed away for Emergency's, but i really can't digg into that,
but it looks like hardly anyone else is going D:
i don't want to disappoint her :/

Real:Imagination

the life i live in maybe fucked up,

but i am thankful for keeping my childhood imagination that makes being on my own alot more enjoyable.
except when the real world interrupts and i need to leave.

):

banana still not eaten.

fixing the house:£15,000 . having a happier family life: Priceless

our computers broken so it keeps cutting out for no reason D:
and max keeps using it all day so when i come to use it i get 5 mins then it breaks down D:

:/

we really need some money,
please.
we have none.
and we had a police warning today saying that my broken window is a security risk and needs something doing NOW
£2,000
we need the walls re-plastered to stop the rain coming in,
another £2,000
Fixing the computer
£1,000
we have to repay the dept were in,
£10,000
^thats a biggy

mum has to sell some of her family heirlooms (she would rather this than cutting back smoking or drinking)
and i have to eat 19p microwave meals because apparently nothing i have to sell is worth much & there are no jobs out :/
but my little park selling thing helped last year,
if you want to do that again?
jess.

must this house be so dysfunctional?

First night at Lakota (L)

^^Tess & Pudsey :)





Who are they? ^^^

:D

poor banana

):
dad bought some new bananas
we got home and he just picked up the banana stand
knocking over the poor last banana
on his own
fell to the floor
bruised and alone ):
so i told dad off
told him he was heartless
and now i will look after the banana till the next milkshake round :)
xx

am i alone

i think i need a best friend.
one like i used to have.
someone who can handle my constant cries
and late night phone calls
because i'm not strong enough to handle whats going on at home
someone with issues that i could help with too
someone who has the time for me
even when i just need to get out the house.
someone who even if they can't help will just listen
and maybe tell me if it's my fault of not, :/

i don't know i just need a hug
and to know i'm not alone ):

Watch out

omg wtf am i doing,
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
jealous
even jealous of weird kids on youtube
i will make some youtube films and i will be brilliant
watch me.

=[

oh mum D:
when will it end.
here is how i have been distracting myself recently:
(could turn into a hoby)






Now i have decided, after my little break down last night,
that my life is going to be brilliant
and i'm not going to live the norm
i'm not going to be like
oh i have to learn, to get a good job, to pay bills, to be happy
NO
i don't want to be stuck in a shitty job that i hate, and have to do everyday to earn money to spend on things i don't have time to buy or use because i'm at work,

i don't know what i will do yet,
but it will be a nice surprise.

really has the most mature of mums :/

your probably bored of my complaining about her so thats all i will say. :/
sorry to bore you,

Summer2010

today i put all the pictures that were special in one folder,
and i miss alot of things,
like last summer
clothes i don't fit in any more
jesse
my sunglasses that broke
old friends
being outside(And not freezing)
longer days
the will to get out of bed in the mornings

well atleast this yeah i get an extended summer, (end of year 11)
i can enjoy it muchely :)

here are some of those pictures:












































Precious.
:)
xx