5 Days.

Jess is back today :) 

trip cut short for reasons 

Isle of White :) so exited.

i want to see jess.

i have just had a lovely roast dinner from my uncles girlfriend.

my family everyone sat round one table,

that hasn't happened in a LONG time

and even though now everyones gone off to their separate things again we still had a moment that showed me we can be civil with yummy food in-front of us and an alcohol shortage.

- Me in my new dress at the zoo, edited by my dad.

green tea

a day like any other exept this is the day of discovery 

i discovered green tea :P mmm mm m 

which i shall now drink unstead of my usual bottle of cola to keep the good health

annd Yoga & meditation i used to do all the time then had to stop because of not being able to gain inner peace(cheers mum) 

but ile just have to try it in the morning before she awakes and drinks the house.

been watching shooting stars haha :) funny stuff

haven't left the house again.

Birthday in 6 days

Charly is a woman..

the other day me, jeannie, katie a bessie went to town for the day,

it was fun and i had finely given up on having rainy day savings so i had a bit of money to spend..

on KitKat Milkshakes of corse :)

jesse text me whilst we were in town though saying she wanted to do something and i'm normally the one to ask her to come out and play, but she was with david and i have been told off in the past for trying to spend too much time with her, D:

so i was all confused, she sounded upset though, and she was going on holiday the next day,

but luckily soon WE will be going to the Isle of White (must take camera)

Last night we went out for a family meal with some of my parents friends and mum being mum, got very drunk and completely embarrassed us all, one of the people we were having a meal with was from italy and didn't understand some things but you could have a simple convosation and mum was just being So patronizing to him and quite insulting eeeurgh i hate it when shes like this :/ 

i need jesse, she keeps me strong.

rachel?

today was.. well, it may as-well of not existed in-fact i wished it didn't ):

i did nothing i woke up at 1 in the afternoon, after last night,

that was okay tish and naomi came round for the evening and tom,jeannie Jesse&david

i thought they might of been staying the night so i cleaned and made the beds,

but i think they already had plans to stay at davids so instead i went to walk naomis dogs with her and tish at midnight they went back and stayed at home on my own mum and dad were at a party down the pub,

but back to today, i started a big painting on my wall but got so pissed off with dad they its stressed me out too much and i just started throwing it around and getting annoyed

and mum didn't help completely shit faced as usual stumbling around shouting and screaming and being damn rude to everyone, earlier her friend lise came round and mum was just so out of order when she left the room lise just said im so sorry for you, 

it's been going on too long and it's killing dad, but he loves her and doesn't have to heart to stop her, the amount of cigarettes & wine she consumes is draining the money out twice as fast than it's coming in, she doesn't have a job and she is a general burden to all in this house, but then in the words of dad she is my mother and i must get along with her gosh, shes hard enough work when shes sober ):

ding dong whos there?

i wish people would call on me more often even uninvited, i'm always one to make the plans anyway jesse wanted to do something tonight so i will organize it, :)

=]

JESS IS BACK :D

all is well again,

yet still don't feel like leaving the comfort of home,

haven't eaten haven't properly left the house.

have no battery's for my camera to take my picture. 

i would rather not be seen right now anyway, 

its my birthday soon but on my birthday i have to go on a 6 hour car/boat journey to the isle of white :/ the good side of that is jesse is coming with me :)

my apple tree has apples now just about ripe, 

me and jesse should sell them around the park,

and i'm planning my party, for about a week away

do you feel a little updated..?

some people have it worse than me

stayed at Ngaio's with Ruby & Alice watched disney (i don't much like disney) but i'm not going to complain everyone else seems to love it, 

don't feel much better,

got mushroom(my gerbil) two Massive new cages i bought off ruby, made them up and he seems happy accept when he bit me for trying change his food, stupid rat.

i have present for jess, whenever i see her, it's been a while.

but some people have it worse than me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78XrI_2bPVA&NR=1

gave me a little smile

T.M(L)

i will just sit on the computer and watch Tim Minchin. (L)

Tears make typing hard,

i don't want to wright much cause I'd rather not put a downer to things but i'm in a really bad place right now and i can't see any improvement soon,

i am without jesse for no reason she's probably with david or something, but as much as i'm supposed to be getting on without her i can't but i am and its killing me and now i feel like doing nothing, staying in, and shutting the world out.

its hard to type, my eyes are so full of tears,

no-ones helping, no-ones here.

ALONE

i don't feel like writing all i have done since my last blog so i will just sum up my emotions and say Everyone FUCK OFF ):

i would like to Say:

i just wrote a whole post and deleted it,

knowing jess is the only one who reads my blog and i don't think it's what she would want to read. ): 

i will just keep it all locked up in my head. :/ till it drives me crazy

Craig

craig is lovely we had a cuddle last night because cuddles are nice, it was nothing like you would think it was, it was just nice.

tomtom

im at toms :)
playing in his garden
i held his chickens and we sat around the bonfire
and everyone is happy
me and jesse are spending quality time we just found a tire swing it was scary but fun i got a muddy bum :)
i have met Jesse's friend craig
he is lovely
exept i am still the ONLY single one in this room and there are 7 people in here including me :/
jesse, craig jeannie, tom, jake & olivia
david will be here soon so thats jesse gone and craig has a girlfriend i wouldn't try anything anyway cause im not that girl.
i do feel lonely though ): anyway not being on the computer i must spend my time with jesse :):):):):):):):):)

jessejessejesse

jesse's friends are coming down from london and im going to meet them 

jesse is very complimentary about them so they must be nice :)

& we will be dying our hair

and doing all sorts of Tutu&Pyjamas stuffs

i would of loved to dye my hair tonight but Jess said she wasn't allowed friends over and davids round there so they need alone time,

i want to go to balloon fest today but i couldn't get hold of jess till it was too late

i hope its still on tomorrow 

i can't wait.

HairCUT

hair CUT

hair CUT

hair CUT

HAIRcut

:)

i have had a hair cut 

and jesse is back i haven't seen her properly much but she's with david thats fine. she's really missed him, it will be my turn soon...

and my camera works now :) picture picture picture

ow, willow just jumped onto my knee :)

oh Ouch clawing into my legs, 

Dammit ripped my tights D: silly cat

& it's sunny, well not now because its night but it was in the day

=]

empty

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKJeLG8-M5I

click for the music of my emotions

jesse back today seeing her tomorrow

hair cut tomorrow

town tomorrow

and back to everything normal,

it's been a waisted week

now im off to eat that butter and sugar from my fridge, 

oh and i got over my fear and took a giant spider outside..

..well in a cup.

..air tight,,

with gloves on

squealing.

Tutu&Pyjamas

i made a house for me and jesse:

(click to make bigger)

(click to make bigger)

(click to make bigger)

SillyKisser

don't mean to mislead you with the title it's just a quote from Tideland a very odd film i watched with jesse. very odd.

haven't left the house again today and no picture it would just be the same but a bit worse

i might never leave the house again,

full  moon 

it's 11:30 at night and i haven't yet got out of my Pyjamas no point now, 

my birthday in a month, 4th of september, party? BIG :)

jesse is back tomorrow but i don't think i'm seeing her until friday i'm a little confused at everything right now.

give me time and ile be fine.

hello friends?

another day that makes me wonder if i even have friends.

jesse is away, and i need to learn to be happy when she isn't here so she can have more timeey with her mann

but i text all my credit away and nothing, i saw jeannie today briefly, we watched tele and ate my food, then i was supposed to get my hair done but instead i backed out cause i didn't like what they wanted to do it, ill go somewhere else next time.

i was invited to go stay at toms with jeannie and him but i know that always ends up with me having to listen to them doing stuff all night whilst I'm feeling alone. D:

jesses back on thursday i'll just carry on attempting to steal a friend and lock them in my house.

-My cat Willow in a bundle

back

judge me, go on thats what everyone else finds joy in.

Hah, ive been playing songs backwards on Djay they sound so weird and GERMAN i think english played backwards sounds like german :) foshizz XD

GUH?!!

lonely but im not allowed to be lonely so im just nothing.

but i am lonely and as much as i am taking ruby's advice to have some time to myself i don't want to be alone ALL the time D:

maybe it's good for me,

or maybe i will get so lost in my head i will fall into a long coma and wait for the doctor to pull the plug

hmm.

shutup brain.

i miss jesse ):

so so so so so so So SO SOOOOOOOOO Much D: 

i shouldn't miss her so much though i should have other friends but as my empty inbox could tell you i got nothing i texted anyone who is a suitable textee and either on holiday or no reply Literally everyone. |:| D: *DIES* DX